Florence

Six years ago, in between semesters in college, I took a job as a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) at an assisted living center in Logan, Utah.  It was not glamorous or high-paying, and no one got the jealous sparkle in their eye when I told them what I was doing... "Gross, I don't know how you wipe old people butts all day long!" was a {rude} comment I grew accustomed to hearing.  And although I experienced maybe more than my fair share of less then appetizing situations, the inspiration that seemingly "came out of no where" really changed my life.  I worked there for a few months and left with increased compassion, a bigger heart, a deeper love for an incredible generation, and new life goal: to become a Registered Nurse. I also gathered quite the collection of stories; funny, sad, heart-wrenching, spiritual, gross and scary.  It was the best job I ever had, and it set me on a path that I never doubted was the right one for me.

College, internships, moving across the country, marriage, travel and pregnancy happened in those last six years but in May I was pinned with the rest of my class as a Registered Nurse.

And oh boy, words can hardly express how wonderful that felt.

The history of the pinning ceremony actually dates back to the Crusades of the 12th century, when new monks would come to serve the ill of the Hospital of St. John the Baptist and take an oath to serve the sick & injured. They were presented with a cross, the symbol of Christianity, and vowed a vow dedication.  Over the years, the cross became of coat of arms and has since morphed into an emblem of each nursing program.  The modern ceremony is also heavily influenced by Florence Nightingale  as each student is given a white candle that is lit from the main, burning candle to represent "the Mother of Nursing" and signify the passing of the flame to each new nurse.  We are also presented with a pin from our instructor- symbolically a cross to bear, to show a nurse’s dedication to his/her patients, to advocate for the patient and to serve “long after others have given up hope and gone home”. 
Together, we recite the nursing pledge, blow out our candles and leave the ceremony "registered nurses" (of course we don't talk about the looming NCLEX we need to pass).
It's a beautiful ceremony and very emotional.  

Our Florence Nightingale candle & beautiful flowers.
Getting pinned by one of my favorite professors, big grin! She whispered in my ear when she hugged me, "I hear you have a little secret." It was cute, and a fun moment to be receiving my pin and confirming our happy news of a baby coming our way.

My very best friend for those two incredibly intense years of school, Joy.  Her name suits her perfectly, she is an amazing person, I could go on for days about her special qualities, having 'joy' only scrapes the surface.

And this picture! I cannot even look at it without all sorts of emotions welling up inside of me.  My greatest supporters & three of the people I love very best.  I couldn't have done it without them, I guess I probably could have done it without them, but then again I could live a life without them, and it just wouldn't really be any life at all.  Same with this experience, they were my biggest cheerleaders and it just wouldn't mean as much to me if I didn't have them to share it with.

Love that pin!

I could go on & on about how wonderful this experience of nursing school was (& it truly was, I loved nearly every second of it) and how incredible and dedicated my instructors were (I will owe them forever, for being so invested in me) and how blessed I am for this opportunity, and so many others (Heavenly Father is so good to us).  But I can't, I have to study for the boards :]

On pregnancy

Today I am 15 weeks pregnant, and what an accomplishment that feels like!

We found out we (correction: I. Mckay's pet peeve is when husbands and wives are both pregnant. But I think he's learning that husbands and wives are both pregnant) were pregnant on a Saturday in March. It was the best. We cried and were giddy and kind of just sat there for about an hour with these feelings of awe pouring out of us, it felt surreal and exciting and wonderful and strange.  

Then around six weeks I started to feel some mild nausea. It was uncomfortable but bearable, and not really an inconvenience.  In all my primi-gravida naivety I thought, "This isn't awesome, but totally manageable.  I can totally do this, and do it with a good attitude." And then week 7 hit. And all of a sudden I actually kind of wanted to be put out of misery. I was intensely nauseous all the live-long day. And around week 9 I started throwing up, and getting even sicker at night. All this while somehow managing to keep my eyeballs above the shark infested waters of nursing school.

Everything went to the dogs. My house especially took a beating. It was disgusting. Mckay was in massive amounts of trouble when he actually invited our home teachers over immediately after church one Sunday to a home that looked like wild hyenas had made camp. This wasn't just my-house-is-fairly-clean-but-I'll apologize-and-pretend-it's-disgusting-because- it's-normally-sparkling-and-aromatherapy-ized, this was dirty clothes strewn about, moving boxes, piles of junk, food on the floor, dishes in the sink dirty. It was so bad they actually excused themselves for a minute so we could "tidy up" and I could try and cool my burning red cheeks. 

I didn't cook. I didn't clean. I literally did not grocery shop for over six weeks. I went to class (sometimes) and then came home and got right into bed and Mckay would bring me food that I would try and eat (in bed) and then I'd fall asleep. Or cry and then fall asleep. Or watch "Call the Midwife" and fall asleep.

It really felt like it would never end. As horrible as this is to admit, some days it was incredibly difficult to be happy & grateful. Some days I wondered what the heck we'd been thinking.  Other days were so sweet and even through the nausea and misery there were only tender feelings and happy emotions- like when Mckay would be speeding down I-95 and then hit the breaksand say, "Woah, I better slow down, I'm gonna be a Dad!" or when he'd talk to our little blueberry sized embryo through my softening tummy. Or one morning when my Mom sent us our first teeny-tiny baby outfit with little elephants on it and I thought my heart would burst. 

The weeks slowly but eventually passed, the nausea lifted, and pregnancy amnesia set in because now I think this whole things is practically perfect in every way.

I even did (ahem, attempted) a prenatal yoga video today... and the deep breathing at the beginning felt so good and relaxing that it made me sleepy and then I had to do some pose where my hands were reaching up and I'm squatting down (awkward tree?) and I was like this.is.not.relaxing.only.uncomfortable. So 7 minutes into it I quit and took a nap. But I gave myself a break because I haven't done a stitch of exercise since becoming pregnant. That's on my to-do list. I also threw my only organic, increased fruits & veggies, lean protein, no sugar/white flour pre-pregnancy, pregnancy diet idea out the window reaaaal quick. Because when only grilled cheese sandwiches and watermelon sound good, I only eat grilled cheese sandwiches and watermelon. 

Ch-ch-ch-changes:
There's actually a bitty-bump now which I kind of love.  
I'm still waiting on the super-thick gorgeous hair that is rumored to come, so far I haven't been the recipient of that pregnancy blessing. 
Ever increasing bust size. Some call it curse but I can't for the life of me figure out why.
Fatigue that hits like a ton of bricks (especially when I attempt yoga or house cleaning or reading).
Some pimples, which are as unwelcome now as they were at 15.
Aversions; no salteens, Crest toothepaste, gingerale, teddy grahams or spinach ever again please.  

Things are good. We {three} are very happy.

Our beautiful, talented and smart child at 9 weeks. Look at those cute arm buds!