Asher Dale Dunn

Asher's birth story, five months late. Detailed and long.

Sunday 5/7/17
Stake Conference.
We actually went! We debated not going, me being almost 39 weeks pregnant, and also having a two and three year old in tow, but we decided that even if we were in the hallway it was better that we set the precedent that we go to church, not just when convenient. Of course we made it about ten minutes through the meeting before ending up in the nursery getting toys for the kids (but mostly Wild Child Charlie). We sat on comfy chairs and watched it broadcast in another room while our boys played with the toys. I was uncomfortable but not miserable. We left a few minutes early because I was feeling off and wanted to be home.

We came home and Mckay got the boys some lunch. I was exhausted and laid on the sofa. I basically spent the next hours just laying around half sleeping, half relaxing. Mckay took the kids out of the house and to the park so I could have some quiet. I kind of felt like labor would be close, since I just felt odd and tired and a little crampy/uncomfortable. At 5pm, after resting for nearly five hours, I decided to get up and clean the messy, messy house. I knew I'd be upset if I left to have a baby with my house looking that way. I felt great at this point. All the lounging had restored my energy and I didn't have any discomfort at all. I cleaned up and vacuumed the living room, cleaned up the toy room, organized the boys bedroom and then made a simple dinner for the boys. Mckay brought them home, happy and tired, and we fed them, bathed them quickly and put them to bed. Then the two of us cleaned up the kitchen together and watched a show.

After our show (The Amazing Race, duh) we went back to our room and got ready for bed. We peeked in on Deacon and Charlie, like we do every night, and then got into bed. Right at 9:30pm I felt a contraction, but I didn't think much of it because I had been having them off and on for days, with nothing regular and nothing sticking. About 15 minutes later I had another one. And then at 10pm I had another one and told Mckay. A second came about 10 minutes later and he asked if he should go to bed or stay up. I told him that this may be the real deal and to stay awake. All of a sudden they were coming about every five minutes, but they weren't too difficult to get through. I texted Regan and put her on the alert and then called my Mom to let her know that labor was possibly starting. I was 10 days from my due date and didn't really believe that it could be real, since Deacon was born one day after his due date and Charlie was born one day before his; I just figured this would go similarly.

We got up and Mckay was timing my contractions, at this point and they were anywhere from 2-5 minutes apart. Not intense, just there. We made the bed, packed the rest of the items into my birth bag and I snacked on a mango. We asked Regan to come and she arrived shortly.

We hung around the house for a bit longer and then jumped in the car to head to the birth center which was about 17 minutes from our house. We arrived at about 10:45pm and were taken upstairs to the simple, cozy room (I was so pleased to see there was a fireplace there!) and my wonderful midwife Danielle checked me, I was dilated to a 4. I had hoped to be a little further along, but wasn't disappointed as things weren't even painful or intense at that point. I actually felt a little silly for showing up so early, but because my contractions had been so close together we had gone in, wanted to be safe rather than sorry.

I got settled in, got some water,  and then Danielle had me lay on a bean shaped inflatable ball and labor on my side to try and get the baby into a better position. That was horribly uncomfortable and after 20 or 30 minutes of that I told them I was done. I hate laboring laying down, it feels so much better to be up walking around. I started to pace the room.

Mckay was tired, it was somewhere between 11pm and midnight. I told him to sleep, because I wasn't in pain, and knew I would need him looking (and acting) more bright eyed and bushy tailed shortly. He politely refused but I insisted and within five minutes he was snoring. I had a few hours to peruse Instagram, read a few emails, relax and sip on water -alternating with pacing, bouncing on the ball, humming, breathing and wincing through contractions that weren't too bad, but not a walk in the park either. The birth attendants came in a few times to take my blood pressure and temperature but other than that I just spend a few hours alone with my thoughts.

Monday 5/8/17
Around 2am I woke Mckay up. By this point I was in quite a bit of pain, still handling it well, but I wanted Mckay to give me some counter pressure during contractions. The two attendants came in and told me that they were going to wake my midwife and have her check me. I told them not to wake her, that I was making plenty of noise (groaning and ooo-ing and whatnot) that was signal enough to me that I was progressing just fine.  They agreed and then I asked them to fill up the tub.

As they filled it I had a few cashews and and orange and stood by the fireplace in our room. It was warm and cozy and I just felt really good. I was definitely in pain, and starting to dread the contractions, but I felt serene. The warmth of the fire on my naked belly and Mckay rubbing my back. I just felt really happy and safe and excited to meet our baby.

At 2:30 am the tub was filled and I got in. The warm water felt amazing. I was able to relax a bit, and asked Mckay to put some music on. Quickly, things became more intense.

Over the next four hours the contractions went from moderately uncomfortable to incredibly painful. I would lean over the side of the tub and wrap my arms around Mckay's (who was standing) thighs and just squeeze my arms around him as hard as I could to get through them. He would lean over me and either squeeze my hips together or put pressure on my lower back. I quickly became exhausted and frustrated. I knew it was after 3am and I had been certain I would have had a baby in my arms by this point. I just wanted to feel that urge to push! I even tried pushing on a few contractions but I knew I wasn't ready and it didn't do much except make me more exhausted and frustrated. I kept going, telling myself that delivery had to be right around the corner and that I would only getting closer and closer. But not much seemed to be changing and I kept wondering how much longer this would go on.

I asked Mckay what time it was and he answered "it doesn't matter baby" (bad sign). When I insisted on knowing the time he reluctantly told me it was 6am.

I felt such a mix of emotions, but most of all I was just really spent and unsure of how I could continue. I stood up in the tub and got a little frustrated and told Mckay I couldn't do this anymore. He, of course, was gentle and supportive and urged me on. I hadn't seen my midwife since about midnight (she was not happy with the attendants for not waking her up) and shortly, at 6:30am, she came in the bathroom.

"Let's check you and see what's going on", she said.
"Do you think that's necessary?"
"I think it would be good to know exactly what is happening. You've been laboring for quite a while and your contractions are intense but they're still 5 or 6 minutes apart."

I knew it was the right thing to do, even though I had been really "anti" getting checked in my other labors and in the beginning of this one I agreed.

She checked me and the pain was excruciating. I don't know what exactly she did, but she was messing with my cervix and it was horrible. Then she said, "Let's try a different position, I don't think this is working for you."

When I asked her how dilated I was, she hesitated and then gently said, "You're at a four, honey."
Almost 8 hours of hard labor after being checked upon my arrival to the birth center and I wasn't even 1/2 a centimeter more dilated than when I'd first arrived.

Devestation doesn't really even begin to cover it. I was overwhelmed, heart-broken, disappointed in my body, every single part of me ached for relief, I was tired and confused and weak. I couldn't do it. My internal dialog spiraled into negative talk. "I can't do this, I want to be done. How quickly could I get transferred to a hospital for an epidural."

My bathwater was cold, something I hadn't realized, and Danielle told me to hop out and then she left the bathroom and Mckay helped me out of the tub. I collapsed onto his shoulder and cried. I told him there was no way I could keep going. I knew that it could be hours before I delivered, being at 4cm, and I knew I didn't have it in me. He shut the door and then I asked him to pray. I don't remember the words, and I know there wasn't a clear feeling of relief or strength that came to me, but I did realize a glimmer of faith and a conviction to finish this task and meet our baby. I asked him to text my parents and let them know what was happening and also ask them for their prayers. I needed help to do this!

Danielle came in and suggested I try sitting backwards on the toilet and leaning over the tank. She was confident that the change in position would help move things along.
I did as she asked, and immediately the contractions became even more intense, which was kind of unimaginable to me at the time. After 10 or so minutes on the toilet my legs fell asleep from leaning over and said I wanted to move to the bed, which I couldn't do because I couldn't stand on my legs.  Let's just add insult to injury.

I eventually got onto the bed and Danielle had be put that bean shaped ball in between my legs and labor on my side again. After a short amount of time in this position I told the attendant that I wanted to see Danielle. She came in and I asked her what was happening and if the baby was safe. Her exact words to me were, "You are doing beautifully honey, I know this isn't the labor that you imagined but I promise you, you are going to do it. This baby will come, this baby is safe. You are going to do this."

Tears spilled onto my cheeks and I felt buoyed up by her words and her confidence.

She left the room and I endured maybe three more excruciating contractions on that ball before I was up again and headed back to the toilet. I couldn't handle the pain of laying down.

I was back on the toilet and the attendants had placed blocks under my feet to try and prevent my legs from falling asleep again.

Contractions were unbearable. I was having trouble keeping my voice low and calm through them and just wanted to scream them out. They were coming on top of each other and Danielle came in and said "This is what we want! You're close!" Still, as those contractions came I wondered how much longer this would last. I was bearing down with each contraction but didn't think I was close to delivery.

*For journaling sake I will include here that it was a good thing I was laboring on the toilet because... poor Mckay. My poor, sweet, wonderful husband who was standing behind me, rubbing my back was also enduring an unpleasant smell that insisted on leaving my bowels. I was horrified and embarrassed but there wasn't really anything I could do about it so I just apologized a few times and went on.

Danielle then asked me to come back into the bedroom. The tub hadn't been filled back up yet, as I'd only gotten out of it one hour ago (and dilated to a four). I didn't believe that I had progressed from 4com to 10cm in barely an hour. I was definitely bearing down, but still couldn't wrap my head around what was happening. Danielle assured me it was go time!
She had set up the birthing stool in the bedroom and I sat down at about 7:30am. She told me she was going to break my water, which I was apprehensive about, but instantly felt a relief of pressure and no pain with the procedure.

With the next contraction I pushed.
I did it agin and again and again. It was my most painful delivery yet.
But at 7:38 the most incredibly beautiful, warm, wet baby was born. I reached down and pulled this perfect child up to my abdomen. I looked down to a head of dark hair, the most perfectly round little head, a beautiful face with soft features that weren't swollen at all. The most beautiful baby I had ever seen. My first words were, "Oh look how beautiful you are!"
Tears of wonder and relief clouded my vision.

Mckay was sitting behind me, holding me, kissing my cheek, rubbing my arms, telling me how proud he was of me, all while staring down over my shoulder at our third baby. I'm not sure how long we sat like this, I just couldn't stop looking at the beautiful little face of this baby in my arms.

Soon, Danielle said, "Boy or girl?"
I lifted a leg up, fully expecting to announce a daughter, and was completely shocked and stunned when I realized we'd had a third son! We both laughed and cried some more. Our beautiful, perfect third boy!

We climbed into bed together. Asher (unnamed at the time, obviously) nursed well and promptly fell asleep. I couldn't stop smelling the top of his head, the most delicious, fresh, heavenly scent! I delivered the placenta uneventfully and they brought me some coconut water to sip on. Mckay and I cuddled and gazed at our baby and then hunger took over and I sent him out for Eggs Benedict, hash browns and a fruit salad.

We spent the next hours holding and inspecting our new baby, sleeping, filling out paperwork and taking lots of bathroom trips (me -so much water!). I hadn't torn at all and was having a perfect recovery. I felt amazing and tired. After four hours we gathered our stuff and headed home to introduce the big brothers to their new little brother. He didn't have a name, and we weren't going to rush it, as we were unprepared for the task of naming a boy!

Eventually his name came. the milk came, the sleep came... and now he's five months old and it's funny to me that at one point he didn't exist here in our earthly home and family. Because now he's such a special, integral part of us. Our little Asher. Everyone's favorite little baby boy. The one who came straight from heaven with a peacefulness that has done our home so much good.

Writing this brith story five months late wasn't my best move, because I'm sure there are things I've left out. But I've also loved reminiscing on the sacred day that it was. The births of my sons have been the most special days. Days where I am tried and pushed to my limit only to then welcome the most pure and perfect little Spirits, straight from their Heavenly Father's loving arms into ours. Mckay by my side, supporting and loving me, strengthening our ties to each other and our family. Meeting the little souls who we will teach and love and guard for the rest of our lives. The boys who have brought us our greatest joy and most treasured roles.

What a pleasure it is to be a woman and to be their mother and to be his wife.